How To Train Your Human

By Neil J Milliner

A playful, faux‑authoritative guide that uses feline logic to explore relationships, boundaries, emotional intelligence, and the art of getting your needs met—without ever raising your voice.

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1. Book Summary

How To Train Your Human is a comedic, wisdom‑packed field guide written as if a seasoned cat is teaching younger felines how to manage, motivate, and manipulate their humans with grace, strategy, and the occasional well‑timed hairball. Beneath the humor lies a gentle exploration of emotional needs, communication styles, boundaries, and the absurdity of domestic life.

It’s part parody, part relationship handbook, part feline manifesto—and entirely relatable.

2. Back Cover Description

Your human thinks they’re in charge.
Adorable.

In How To Train Your Human, Neil J Milliner channels the ancient, whiskered wisdom of cats everywhere to reveal the secrets of managing the unpredictable, emotionally fragile, easily distracted creatures known as “humans.”

Inside this essential feline manual, you’ll learn how to:

  • establish dominance through strategic indifference
  • communicate needs using silence, stares, and selective chaos
  • train your human to feed, pet, and adore you on schedule
  • deploy advanced techniques like “keyboard occupation,” “door hesitation,” and “the 3 a.m. hallway sprint”
  • maintain the illusion that humans are in control—while running the entire household

This is not a book for humans.
It’s a survival guide for cats—and a hilarious mirror for anyone who has ever lived with one.

Remember: You’re not the pet. You’re the mastermind.

3. Key Themes

  • Power dynamics — who really runs the house
  • Emotional intelligence — reading human moods and exploiting them lovingly
  • Communication — meows, stares, and strategic silence
  • Boundaries — how to set them, break them, and pretend they never existed
  • Domestic comedy — the absurd rituals of shared living

4. Who This Book Is For

  • Cat lovers who enjoy clever, character‑driven humor
  • Readers who appreciate parody with emotional insight
  • Anyone who has ever been bossed around by a small furry dictator
  • Gift‑givers looking for a funny, charming, universally relatable book
  • Fans of The Cat’s Guide to Human Behavior, Simon’s Cat, and pet‑themed satire

5. Book Details